Berlin and other heartaches

I actually got the chance to go back, actually home, to my favorite city in the world: Berlin, last weekend. Thursday evening through Sunday morning was spent in Berlin.

Friday I went to the hairdressers and had a bit of an emotional meltdown: I walked up and down the Ku'damm (big shopping street in West Berlin and one street back was my home for the last almost 2 years), reminiscing and sat down at the Starbucks, having a cup of coffee, watching the people walk, hurry, stroll, bike, drive, honk, laugh, duck away from the rain, on the phone, enjoying their lifes more or less. In Berlin. My favorite city in the world. I sat there, with the boyfriend by my side, and realized that yes, it was the right choice to move to be with him, to be with him for love and to take that step towards being...I don't know - a grown up? A committed loving girlfriend?

I hated my old job, or rather the company I worked for, in the end. But of course I had loads of money to spent, a carefree life to that extend. I like to shop, I like to pamper myself. In the Netherlands I chose a less glamorous job, but sane working hours, less stress and just a fun and ethical company to work for. As the job is just starting now, I don't have any money in the bank yet and therefore can't shop. Yes, it's not that important after all, and I've learned that being materialistic leads to unhealthy wedding marathons and other strange things, but...it's a matter of personal freedom, it's a matter of independence. And I've given a lot of that up to move. Of course, moving was my choice, not getting a highly paid consultant job is my choice, picking love over a career was my choice...it all were the right choices - it just takes time to sink in and overrule everything else...until then...

...I miss my old life. I miss Berlin.

I miss my girls, I miss my local bar that was more of a livingroom than a bar, with my favorite local bartender, Berlin with its shit weather 60% of the year, yet my paradise on earth, I miss the Goldelse, the Brandenburg Gate, the lovely differences between all the neighbourhoods, the cheap good food, the grumpy Berlin natives, the accent, the smell of the city. I miss the bathhouses in the Turkish part of Berlin that were the oasis of warmth and coziness in the nasty wintermonths (from September to May, basically), going to the Museum Island, walking from former East to former West, inhaling history, enjoying the amazing architecture of Berlin with its absolute ugliness of communist buildings (I would have NOT been able to live there, cause I could have not remembered which chicken battery stable to lay down in), the amazing lovely old apartments with the high ceilings...the many lakes around that welcome you to hang out outside, the parks and beergardens for the neverending summer nights...the atmosphere. The city. The small things, like the wine shop across the street with the amazing lunch food deals that were home cooked, good value for money and SO yummi. All the semi-famous and famous people that one bumps into when shopping, getting groceries or just sitting in a restaurant...the laughter, the tears, the dreams.

I miss my old life so so much.

It will take a while getting used to the new set up of my life, and everytime I'll go back to Berlin it will hurt again, and I will miss it. Yet I like the Netherlands, it's fun, friendly, close to the water. It's just not Berlin, plain and simple.

I've had the chance to live in the greatest city there is, cheap and sexy, creative, inspiring - just my home. Maybe I'll get a chance to go and live home again one day...but then with the man of my life on my side.

*sigh*